Paranoia

I suddenly feel this rush of terror.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because they'll just say I'm an idiot, and I'm making another big mistake by trusting someone.
I keep claiming that they're different. But what if I'm wrong? What if, despite my best attempts to stay closed off, I trust someone again, and just like every other time before, they destroy that trust....What then? I always want to say "this time is different" but is it ever?
Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy...maybe I'm not supposed to care about people, because I feel like everytime I finally work up the courage to trust someone, they take advantage of that trust and hurt me.
What am I doing wrong?
I just don't understand how people I really thought were so great and wonderful and trustworthy could betray me, and I feel like I'm even being betrayed at this very moment....I feel like all I've ever done was try to make people happy...and those people are always the ones that wind up hurting me more than anyone else....if it happened again...I don't know how I could possibly trust anyone ever again...

I just wish that for once in my entire life I could be cared about as much as I have cared for other people....