Am I A Bad Person?

I honestly kind of feel like a whore.
I've had one or more "love interests" every year of high school.
two of the DM's are my exes.
I broke up with my boyfriend like 2 weeks ago and I'm already fawning over someone else.

But then....it might seem like I've had so many guys in my life...but I really haven't. I mean, honestly, since like, January of Sophomore year (when I ended things with portee) I really didn't have much going on in that department until april of junior year when everything happened with John. But even that. In our 5 months of dating we saw each other like 20 times -____- we never even kissed. it honestly barely felt like a relationship...especially since the summer started. After like...July 20, we literally did not talk or see each other at all. So even though in a way I'm jumping from one guy to the next, it's honestly...like...everything with John really didn't mean anything...but when people find out that we broke up...especially if I end up with someone else *cough so much better cough*....what are they gonna think of me? -______-

The thing I don't understand is why these people even like me. I'm honestly not compliment fishing here, I'm serious. I'm not very pretty at all, and aside from being a d-cup I honestly have nothing physically attractive to offer either. I seriously don't understand why I've even had this many...situations so far any way....What am I doing wrong...or is this not wrong? Honestly...is it wrong to have guys like you...I mean honestly what the hell is wrong with it...(sorry I'm honestly trying to convince myself here.)
ugh...I don't know, I feel like a slut....but I'm finally kind of happy...because...no other person has ever tried so hard for me....and I want to try for him too....is that so wrong?

The Type of Guy Who Doesn't See What He Has Until She Leaves

That was your favorite song, and it became one of mine.
But not anymore.
don't you understand that I loved you??
I would have given the world for you...
and now....it's all for nothing.
It really never meant anything to you, did it?
I never meant anything to you.

It's fine. Honestly it is. Without the weight of you in my heart I can finally be happy again.

I'll miss you baby

But I'm finally free.

You Can Strum That Guitar, I Just Won't Listen.

Are you KIDDING me!?
a week and a half of not calling me...not contacting me, for the SECOND time in a row...and you think a TEXT MESSAGE is going to make up for it!? A wordless, worthless text message.
Go ahead, keep playing that guitar, write me another song.
because I have a guy making me flowers, buying me presents and practically cutting out his heart and handing it to me on a silver platter, yet you can't even give me the time of day.
You can't do this.
You can't just pretend like nothing happened.
You can't like me only on the days it's convenient for you.
And I don't know if I can ever forgive you.

yet...the worst part is that I really really want to.

I Fucking Hate Everyone.

I hate the people on college confidential
I hate the people walking on the street and in their cars
I hate the security guards
I hate the administration
I hate everyone on the internet
I hate people who fight
I hate you for making me miserable
I hate him for making me happy.
and
I hate me.
for putting up with you/not deserving him.

at least right now.

because I feel like complete and utter SHIT. and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to get me out of this misery.

The Demon I Cling To. (Somebody Catch Me)

I'm Just a Holy Fool
Oh Baby It's So Cruel
But I'm Still In Love
With Judas
Baby.

Dammmmiiiiittttttttt T___________T
God, what the hell am I thinking?
There are two.
One obviously loves me...
The Other one...maybe, maybe not.
I obviously love one.
The Other one....maybe, maybe not.
Why can't they just add up?
If he loved me too...Asdfgkjl; this never would have happened.
But the new....the new one...he'll be good for me, won't he?
I just want to be happy
I don't want to be a terrible person
but I am....God I really am.
So why can't I stop loving the one who doesn't love me?
I hate this T___________T

I was so happy once upon a time...
now I have no idea what the hell I'm getting myself into.
Just Let Me Let Go.
and let somebody Catch Me.

Misery

I. just. don't. know.

what the HELL is going on.
if you don't know the situation, ask me, ask suzy, ask somebody, because I really don't feel like explaining the whole thing now.

All I can say is....I give up. I don't know what to do, where to turn, what to say? Please, yell, scream at me. Tell me I did something wrong, that I messed up, that you're angry, because that would be so so so much better than finding out that the truth is that you just don't care about me. I've devoted so many months of my life to you, my every wish and prayer to you. And this is what I get in return? I'm always striving to be the person that helps others. I wanna be "good" for other people. I try so hard to make everyone happy, but I guess that effort really is for nothing, because apparently my happiness doesn't really matter. Actually, I don't even matter. What more can I do now? I'm left here feeling abandoned, unwanted....I feel disgusting I HATE myself because of this, and you know what? the people I've talked to are right, I deserve SO much more. All I have ever done was try to make you happy. I'm not even worth the effort, am I? I guess that's how it's gonna be. I'd love it if you called and told me you were angry, upset, mad, that you hated me, because at least it would mean you haven't called because you really don't care one way or another. Anyone who knows me, anyone who has seen me could tell you how much I care about you, how I look at you with all the love in my heart and how you mean everything to me. It's just too bad you obviously don't do the same.