Misery

I. just. don't. know.

what the HELL is going on.
if you don't know the situation, ask me, ask suzy, ask somebody, because I really don't feel like explaining the whole thing now.

All I can say is....I give up. I don't know what to do, where to turn, what to say? Please, yell, scream at me. Tell me I did something wrong, that I messed up, that you're angry, because that would be so so so much better than finding out that the truth is that you just don't care about me. I've devoted so many months of my life to you, my every wish and prayer to you. And this is what I get in return? I'm always striving to be the person that helps others. I wanna be "good" for other people. I try so hard to make everyone happy, but I guess that effort really is for nothing, because apparently my happiness doesn't really matter. Actually, I don't even matter. What more can I do now? I'm left here feeling abandoned, unwanted....I feel disgusting I HATE myself because of this, and you know what? the people I've talked to are right, I deserve SO much more. All I have ever done was try to make you happy. I'm not even worth the effort, am I? I guess that's how it's gonna be. I'd love it if you called and told me you were angry, upset, mad, that you hated me, because at least it would mean you haven't called because you really don't care one way or another. Anyone who knows me, anyone who has seen me could tell you how much I care about you, how I look at you with all the love in my heart and how you mean everything to me. It's just too bad you obviously don't do the same.