Frustration, Stress, and Heartbreak

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That has been my face all day.

As most of you know by now, I gave him the letter last night (you know the one where I basically confessed my undying love for him...) I was relieved at first, but now I'm panicking. When someone asked me how it went and what I thought would happen, I said I didn't care about the result, because all that mattered to me is that he knew how I felt...and that although we don't talk a lot...I think I know him better than most, and I really trust him...I don't think he would do anything to hurt me. At least, not purposely.

And while all that is completely true, I'm still scared out of my mind for my own heart...I honestly love him....I know that sounds crazy, and I'm the usually the first person to point out "Hey, THAT'S NOT LOVE." But this...I don't know what else this could be....All I want is to make him smile...I want him to trust me. And selfishly, I want him to love me too :(
That's the part that hurts...the part of me that knows this could all blow up in my face if he doesn't return my feelings. But...All I can do now is wait...and hope...and wait.

And on top of all that, I woke up this morning thinking, well at least I can distract myself with a little R&R...but no, I woke up at 10, only to be rushed down to fort lee for more packing, and then to be hit with the realization that I have a SHITLOAD of homework that I still haven't touched. I am so completely screwed. Especially since I haven't been doing any of my work since I've been working on the show every night until 11 for the last WEEK. I want to cry...I have so much to do, and so little time...and so not enough energy T__T

But honestly, if this whole ordeal with the letter....if it works out, then all this pain is worth it...any pain is worth it.

I'm going to see him tomorrow after school...and the thought of that scares me so much more than actually giving him the letter....